Butterflies and Bullfrogs

Brent's family has been going to Warner Springs Ranch for over twenty years and this past trip was bittersweet. The resort was recently purchased by the Pala Indians for $20 million, and the family will no longer be individual owners after this summer. This trip was last time everyone could get together for a weekend out there.

The weekend was tough for me physically, my back did particularly bad with the drive and I didn't sleep a wink, I stayed in the cabin all day Saturday feeling rather flu-like while they went golfing. Sunday I didn't feel sick, and I forced myself to work through the pain and exhaustion to tag along on the golf course. I am glad I did...it looked completely different than the previous trip and there was so much to see. Have a look!

(Can you see the BullFrog?)

We're Not in California Anymore

It has been HOT this week. Seems like summer is a little confused this year, it's typical weather trying to play catch-up and make up for coming late. Thursday was no exception. It was just about 100 degrees in the backyard...and while I know the rest of the country is much hotter in places, this is hot for us.

My dad come up last night to visit. Aunt Lori & Uncle Hal celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday and went to dinner, so my dad took Emily & I out for Thai food at Mongkut Thai, delicious as usual. As the evening progressed the sky turned darker and darker and we could hear thunder in the distance. We came home to a HUGE full rainbow in the backyard, and a beautiful sunset in the front of the house. We were all laughing about the "Double Rainbow" video, and laughed even harder when we stumbled on the "Double Rainbow Song." While we were outside snapping pictures, it started to rain! It was still just as hot, but with big fat drops falling from the dark sky.

We lit the tiki torches and the five of us sat in the backyard marveling over the strange weather. Are you sure this is California?

P.S. the rainbow was much brighter and striking than it appears in the photo, but had it on the wrong camera setting :(

Survivor Season 10, Episode 2

More photos from the party...

My wonderful Dad

My very own Survivor Buff!

Hamisha and Keno

Dane & Jack enjoying their cupcake feast!

Georgia, my mom, and Deanna

My cousin, Emily, and Clyde, the male Bull Mastiff

Brent & me

Yay :)

Survivor Season 10, Episode 1

Season 1 of Survivor aired in May 2000, the same time I was in the hospital for my transplant. One of the first major reality TV series, Aunt Lori & I, as well as so many others, were instantly hooked. Each week in my hospital room we would watch - and while I don't remember most of what happened during that first season, I do remember how exciting it was and what a nice escape from my reality it provided.

10 years later, May 16 2010, Aunt Lori carried this theme through to my 10-year transplant anniversary party. She gave me a homemade Survivor "buff" & the first season of Survivor on DVD.

This was a very special day for me as friends and family gathered together to celebrate with a pool party at my mom & Doug's house in Fallbrook. It's hard to believe it has been 10 years. 10 years since my new beginning. 10 years since that day at Children's Hospital when I received my cord blood transplant. The IV bag hung next to my bed and looked no different from a normal blood transfusion. Taking only about an hour or two to complete, I slept through it. I had spent the past week at the Ronald McDonald house with my mom as my body was wiped clean of its immune system. I underwent total body irradiation three times per day for 5 days, and one week of intensive chemotherapy.

For me, half of what makes for a good party is the food. And there was no disappointment here! The menu included my favorite-pulled pork sandwiches, accompanied by two types of coleslaw. It was potluck style and everyone did a great job...2 types of guacamole-regular and mango, olive tapenade with bread, leek & mushroom quiche, blackeyed peas, green salad, cold pasta salad, tomato/feta/cucumber salad, Nick's famous smoked fish dip. For dessert I baked 3 types of cupcakes-chocolate, vanilla & lemon, plus 3 flavors of frosting-chocolate, vanilla & cream cheese, and set up a build-it-yourself cupcake bar with toppings galore-M&Ms, shredded coconut, chocolate chips, 3 flavors of jam, lemon curd, nuts, dried fruit, crushed graham crackers & Oreos, sprinkles, gummy bears. The food was all so incredible, I was a happy girl.

Thanks to my mom and aunt Lori, there were also a handful of surprises in store.

{Surprise 1}

The first guests arrived, my grandpa and Pearl. I thought they were still on vacation in New York and had no idea they were coming!

{Surprise 2}

I was waiting down at the pool as the remaining guests arrived. Coming down the steps to the pool area was a woman I did not recognize with two young boys. My first thought was, "who is that" and my second was "did someone just invite a random friend? That's annoying...I didn't really want just random people here" and then..."wait a minute...that's...JEN!!" And let out a scream.

I had my share of nurses, some I liked more than others. But Jen...Jen was different. She didn't treat me like another sick kid patient. We bonded instantly, talking about things that had nothing to do with my being sick or the hospital...we talked about girl stuff. And her cute Navy Seal husband. And gossiped about the nurses and doctors. And laughed at stuff on TV. And when I was at my sickest, she was the only nurse who voluntarily took me as a patient. The other nurses were to scared to be responsible for me in my sick and fragile state. Years later we are still in contact and I could not have thought of a better surprise for my party. (Plus her boys Jack and Dane were adorable)

{Surprise 3} A card from my primary care doctor, Dr. Roberts. I liked him from the moment I met him-even though the first time we ever talked was when he told me I had cancer. From his warm demeanor to his crooked smile to the way he talked to me, I liked and respected everything about him. Receiving this card from him wishing me congratulations was very special.

{Surprise 4} A card from Susan Branch. I will explain in more detail later, but in a nutshell, I met her just before my transplant on a trip I took with Aunt Lori & Emily. Knowing about my upcoming transplant, she sent me a package filled with a beautiful blank scrapbook and a gigantic amount of scrapbooking supplies. I used the scrapbook to make a memory book of my time in the hospital. Hearing from her 10 years later was such a wonderful surprise! (It is a great story and I will post soon in detail)

It was a such a fun group of people...my family - Mom & Doug, my Dad, Nick, Aunt Lori, Uncle, Hal, Emily, Grandpa, and Pearl, Aunt Laurie and Uncle Phil, and everyone else - Andrea, Brooke, Jen & her two boys, Brent, Georgia & her husband Billy and sister Deanna, and our friend Keno who was visiting from Germany for three weeks with his girlfriend Hamisha. Georgia I worked together for a few years and have been close ever since, and Keno was originally our exchange student, and when Nick and I went on our 8th grade exchanges to Germany we stayed with his family. He has been out to visit many times since then, and was actually staying with us 10 years ago while I was going through my treatment.

It was such a wonderful day and much more than I ever expected. Thank you so much to everyone who helped make it special, I will never forget it!

Green

I don't remember when my favorite color became green.

I have a memory of standing on the playground in elementary school and proudly stating my favorite colors were purple, pink, and silver.

I outgrew those colors & it has been green for a long time.

My Dad thinks green is an odd color to choose as a favorite, and says he only knows two people that have it as their favorite-his girlfriend and his daughter.

Warner Springs a few weeks ago with Brent's family was a treat, and everything was so green! So clean, so fresh, so inviting.

The weekend was filled with warm weather, beautiful surroundings, hot springs, golf, reading, lounging at the pool, card games, laughter, delicious food and fantastic company.

The golf course was so strikingly green it was almost glowing.

We are going back this weekend and wonder if it will look the same?

Cactus

{Badlands Park, Laguna Niguel, CA}

Friday Night Wedding

Not just a typical Friday evening. As the 4:00 sun beat down hot and bright, hundreds of family and friends sat and watched Bryan and Risha's traditional Indian wedding ceremony. Taking place in the beautiful gardens outside the Nixon Library in Yorba Linda, we were surrounded by gorgeous saris of all colors, jewels, henna tattoos, and rose petals. Conducted primarily in Sanskrit, the hour-long ceremony was formed of traditional Indian wedding rituals all symbolizing something different. Risha's beauty was breathtaking, and the experience of the wedding was unlike anything else.

The ceremony was followed by a cocktail hour with drinks & appetizers, and the reception took place in a ballroom inside the library. Risha changed from her sari into a white wedding dress, and the bridesmaids from their turquoise saris to seafoam green dresses. Speeches, a slideshow of the couple, first dances, and entertainment from the bridal party as seen below, filled the reception. The dinner was a wide variety of different Indian food, and by far the best I have ever eaten. A celebration it was indeed, with hours of dancing and wonderful time spent with friends!

So the videos...the entire wedding party had to learn that dance from Slumdog Millionaire to the Jai Ho song. They were responsible for learning it on their own and only practiced once together. I think they did a fantastic job!! Brent is second guy from right toward the back.

And on to video #2. Brent was pretty stressed about learning the choreography and claims to have no dance skills. However, as soon as he is given free reign to dance how he pleases and throw a drink or two into the mix, and he becomes the life of the party. He pretty much had the spotlight all night, with everyone circled around him to watch him do his thing... the dance I like to call "the spaz out." I was very proud! (You can tell how early or late it was in the night...he starts off with his jacket, then no jacket, then tie loosened...)

Wildflowers

Daisies, poppies, sweet peas & more,

Everywhere I looked, wildflowers galore.

A treat to the nose a treat to the eyes,

Each beautiful color a new surprise.

The summer season is almost here,

And some have started to disappear.

The springtime colors will surely be missed

But summer brings a new type of bliss!

B.I.A. Back In Action

I've been gone along time, I know - from the blogging world that is. For the last year, my life has been completely controlled by severe back pain. June 2008 I had my 4th knee surgery and was on crutches for almost 9 months until the end of February, when my back pain came on suddenly. One day I could say I never experienced bad back pain, and then the next...

Since that last week of February 2009, I have been in severe pain 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. while lying on my side feels slightly better, no position eliminates it. There is never a moment when the pain is not present, and even sleep doesn't provide relief - waking up frequently during the night and early in the morning in pain. Lying on my side is the most comfortable position, but no position feels good. Increased activity and being in the same position for more than a few minutes aggravate it even further.

I have had multiple MRIs, CT scans, a full-body scan, & x-rays; blood tests to check for inflammation, autoimmune disorders, and various other abnormalities; on three separate occasions I have undergone steroid injections, nerve/ligament/muscle blocks all in different areas of the back; I have tried physical therapy multiple times; I have seen a physiatrist, pain specialist, orthopedic surgeon, rheumatologist, acupuncturist, spine specialist, oncologist, endocrinologist, and holistic medicine specialist; I spent a full week at an alternative medicine center receiving acupuncture, infrared light therapy, massage, reflexology, hyperbaric oxygen treatment, IV treatments with MSM, microcurrent treatment, and a sleep study; and I have tried nearly 20 different medications including various classifications of pain medication, nerve medications, anti-inflammatories, pain patches, topical creams, muscle relaxers, and anti-depressants. Every diagnostic test was inconclusive. Few medications have the ability to take even the slight edge off the pain, but most did nothing. The injections did not help to diagnose the problem nor did they help ease the pain. Some of the doctors have provided varying theories as to why they think I am having the pain, but none have panned out. The most recent discovery was that I am severely vitamin D deficient, and through research, found out this is linked to bone pain, and more specifically-undiagnosed lower back pain in women. I am taking supplements and will soon recheck my levels, and hope that it makes a difference. The doctors think that it may be a portion of my pain, but that something else still undiagnosed is at blame for the rest. Given my symptoms and overall presentation, bone pain makes the most sense at this point.

I have been in some form of pain since I was 13 years old. For the last 9 years, I have perfected the art of putting on a happy face. I figure, if I am going to be in pain everyday, I can't make everyone around me miserable too. I want people to sympathize, sure, but I have no intention of bringing everyone down with me, or making anyone unhappy. But I beat cancer, so why can't I beat this? In some way that I can not identify, the back pain is debilitating in a completely different way than the knee pain. One of the hardest parts is worrying that because I am always putting on a "happy face" and downplaying how bad my pain actually is, that everyone around me does not fully understand the extent to which it affects me daily. It feels like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet, and I am permanently stuck lying flat on the ground while life passes me by. The inability to return to school or work, the loss of feeling independent, as well as the inability to just do anything without having to worry about my pain as a factor, has made me feel so helpless. I feel so so fortunate to have such an amazing support system through Brent, my family & friends, and I just want my life back!

Holidays, birthdays, special events and occasions, happiness as well as extreme frustration - all came and went, as I craved blog posting as an outlet to share and sometimes vent about all these periods. Due to a recent addition of wireless internet, I am now able to use my laptop while lying on the couch and tap-tap my thoughts away. Yay!

So what happened during the rest of 2009-2010? My highlights over the year while I was gone.

{MAY}

Tyler stayed for a month to help remodel Aunt

Lori & Uncle Hal's bathroom and bedroom

No Doubt concert in San Diego with Andrea, see why

this is such a big deal here

{JUNE}

Nick completed the Graduate Program at Cal Poly SLO

{JULY}

Coldplay concert with Aunt Lori

{SEPTEMBER}

Our 1 year anniversary - brunch at Salt Creek Grill

{OCTOBER}

Valentine's Day in October - hot air balloon ride

to make up for the failed attempt in February. Incredible!

22nd Birthday - brunch with Brent at La Galette Creperie,

appetizers & drinks at Fisherman's, dinner at Avila's

{NOVEMBER}

Joint birthday celebration with my mom at Vigalucci's

in Carlsbad with, Doug, Nick, and Brent. Amazing food!

{DECEMBER}

Ugly Sweater Christmas Party Brent & I hosted.

Nick was the costume winner!

Christmas in Idaho

So I am no longer M.I.A. I am officially B.I.A.